The Big Payoff - Speak Up!

In these times, it can be quite difficult for some of us to speak our truths, especially when we feel we may have something to lose. The truth is, we can't allow fear to keep us from letting it be known where we stand.  It is also imperative that we protect ourselves and our energy. It pays to speak up and speak out!

I hope you are able to identify and relate as I, too, am learning to accept the changes that are happening within me daily. 

With Love, 
~The Recovering Grinder

www.mielanicole.com

Transcript

Let's get right to it. So, I have been going through quite a bit in the last, nearly seven months now and what I find that I'm doing mostly now is going through the grieving process. And I suffered a lot of loss towards the beginning of this year and the loss that I'm experiencing right now is grieving the person, the woman that I used to be... (you know?)
My voice...it seems like I was crippled for so long, my voice...it was like I only found that my voice was useful for singing and even then, I don't even think that I was really 100,000% on board then, with just singing. But for some reason, I felt silenced for the majority of my life. Silenced in the way where I didn't feel I could truly speak up and speak my truth when it was necessary, when it was for my good, when it was to protect me. And what I found is that now, even now, in speaking my truth, I have no problem speaking my truth (it seems) to strangers or to people, you know run-of-the-mill kind of situations where I don't really know them or where I don't feel I owe them anything like I would a loved one or a family member (friend). You know, someone that has put something into me, therefore I am putting something into them. You know? 
That's crazy because I've gotten to the point where even in some situations where I have friends that I need to tell them some things or share something. Maybe I'm not feeling like (you know) listening to what's going on or maybe I don't feel like hanging out. And instead of me speaking my truth when it matters all the time to people that are considered my loved ones or my friends, I don't show up for me. I do everything but say what I need to say. I mean, my body tenses up. It's as if someone made a weight (8 pounds), an exact replica of my body and just placed it on top of me. It's uncomfortable enough where I can feel it, and not heavy enough where I can't deal with it. I can still deal with it, in my mind- but over time, it's the same as putting a ton of weight on me because it's suppressing who I really am. I've found that the struggle can (sometimes) be in that area for me. If i don't want to see you I should be able to say, " I don't want to have company, I don't want to go." The reason why it's that way, is because it's all transactional. 
When I say transactional, it means: my body is conditioned to be in a world where we're constantly surrounded by transactional things (relationships):
"I give to you; you give to me."
"I tell you my secret; you tell me yours."
"I give you this money; you give me this service."
But everything doesn't always work that way, it doesn't always work that way because sometimes I give because I feel led. I feel that push to give to somebody. I feel that push to do for someone. I am not always with the expectation that someone is going to do for me because when I lived like that before, I always ended up getting hurt. That keeps us low, that keeps us unhappy...it removed the trust. I've always tried to live by 'Trust somebody first until they show you they can't be trusted' because I don't like getting information second-hand about a person. Let me find out for myself. That might just be for you, they may not be that way towards me and even so, maybe our relationship will help them (you know) see their wrongdoing. Or hell, maybe their relationship with me will help me! Everything in that person can't all be bad. (I mean there are some bad people out there though). Everything in that person can't all be bad, but here I am...I'm cautious. Because in my mind, I've already cooked up in my head:
"If I tell this person that I really don't wanna go hang out with them...it doesn't matter how long we've been friends...
If I tell this person that I don't wanna hear their latest escapade...it doesn't matter how long we've been friends...
If I tell this person that I don't wanna come to their BBQ, their family BBQ... it doesn't matter how long we've been family members. 
If I say something that they don't agree with and they don't like...there is a high probability that they might decide to share whatever scar, secret, idea, dream, fear that I've had (and I've shared with them) with someone else...just on the mere fact that they were upset at what I said. 
I can't walk around with that type of fear. I don't suggest anybody does because it's paralyzing. You can't speak your truth because you're thinking, "If I do this, then they're gonna do that", (that transactional mess). "If I say this...then they're gonna retaliate, they're gonna reject me, they're gonna run away from me. I don't have that many friends!" It's that right there. 
I heard someone say, and I don't know how I heard it, but this is what I took from it. "The new currency is energy." I feel that. I've said it and when I heard it said like that, I knew exactly what that meant. When you hear somebody say, "I'm in my bag!", it doesn't mean that they're just focused, it's the energy behind them saying that. Ther energy behind that phrase (is):
 "Nobody can deter me. You can't throw me off. My energy is high, Imma get whatever I want. Whatever I work towards, I'm gonna get back!"
That manifestation ability is through the roof. It's not about money, it's about energy! Because with energy, good energy...pure, unrefined energy, you can get whatever you want...whatever you want! The thing is, people got it twisted! But I've found that you need to take your good energy in those moments where you feel hella creative, where you feel real good about yourself, where you feel like giving to multitudes of people, just because...because you're feeling good, when you're one and connected with nature the way you are, the way you've been designed to, that is when you should put away energetic nest eggs! Sow! Put that money away! 
Kinda like if you're from the hood, how drug dealers...Drug dealers some of the smartest, most financially savvy people in the world. They know what's up. They know how to calculate the probability that they're probably gonna end up in jail at some point in time. That's why they secure them an attorney when they're making that money. (And I am in no way saying that I think this is cool and that I condone it. But if you're from the hood or been near anybody in the hood, you know this to be true). If that drug dealer is smart, he's gonna put away money. He'll give it to somebody that don't really need it, or don't really use money like that. They'll hide it under their mattress, they'll put it in a closet, in a safe. Cause when 'ol dude goes to do fed time, or jail time he understands when he gets out, he has something to come back to because he's put away and stored away nest eggs. So, when he's down on rock bottom when he gets out, he ain't really down. Cause that auntie still has that money for him, that girlfriend still has that money- she's invested in some things. His homeboy went and bought that Rolls Royce he wanted or that Maybach. He's still up when he comes out. That should be how we are! When you're feeling at your highest, when you're "giving - giving - giving", and that energetic flow is high, in abundance...when you got that money like that, that energetic money, sow it into somebody else that you know gonna do something with it. The people that you know are doing good by folks, sow it into them. Share that word with them so they'll pass it along:
"Yea girl guess what? I heard something good, I read something good on the internet today."
Social media, i mean it has its things, but sometimes you can find some nuggets. That person has stored away some nest eggs and put it out there. So when somebody that deserves it and knows what to do with it gets it, they can pass it along and sow it into someone else. It continues to grow and touch so many people. That good energy that they had that they invested in someone else has touched so many. So when you're feeling down, when you feel like there ain't no way out, when you're crying out:
"God! I can't do it no more! I have reached rock bottom! I just don't have the energy to move forward! I just don't have the wherewithal to just do anything right now! People have knocked me down!"
And you cry out and you yell, understand that every fiber, every cell, every angel, ancestor, every good worker, every Samaritan, God, Mother Nature, every animal...whatever it takes that energy is coming back to you because you've sown it into good ground! It's coming back to you! You'll find you have a recharge all of a sudden. You'll run into somebody at the grocery store that shares a word with you, or you run into somebody that says something about some something you've been waiting on...some information you've been wanting. When that energy comes back to you, you're restored! You're recharged! You don't have to worry about giving people cups of muddy water anymore because you're recharged, because of what you've already sown! I used to worry about that:
"(Sobbing) Man I'm just giving from my well, my well is dry..."
No. I think my well is dry. I have tapped into abundance and I can continue to give from an empty place (it feels like to me) because I don't feel like I have anything to give. I lost a family member, and another family member. I had to quit a job, my health looked like it was failing and I'm still trying to love on people, still trying to give advice, still trying to bring other people up. And those nights I sit and I wonder where I'm going to get that from...and I pray and I pray and don't hear anything, I don't feel anything and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, something happens! It's like a spark! Because of everything...Every tear I've sown, every yell I had for every child out there hurting, for every person out there burning for passion, for love that they never will get (it feels)! I have cried! I have been there with my friends! I have been there with people that I love! It comes back to me! And because it comes back, I will continue to share it! This is why I'm here now! I couldn't journal and keep this in a book, I have to share it! 
If we don't operate out of love...just LOVE for people, what are we doing? 
But what I will not do, is put myself in a position to love and to give of myself when I don't have it. I will not take for granted my position. I will not take for granted the opportunities that I have. I will not take for granted the mere fact that I can tap into abundance at any time, for energy, for love, for money and give to people that don't care to do anything with it but to (possibly) use it for bad and let it go, waste it away. I will no longer do that!
Protect and nurture. Those are the words for this time. Protect your energy and nurture yourself. Protect the children, nurture the children. Protect your relationship, nurture your relationships. Those two things count, they matter!
This is Empress Energy! I am a teacher, I am a mother, I am a protector. I will give, but I ain't stupid. I ain't stupid. I empower you to speak your mind, speak your truth. Be okay to stand on your shit. Don't let anybody take that from you. Your voice is gold! You don't have to say a word to speak! Let me say that again, You don't have to say a work to speak! Your actions, alone, can do it for you! But for those times that you need to open your mouth, don't be afraid to do it. Protect Yourself. 
Only greatness from here.
Only greatness from here.
Only greatness from here. Start where you are right now. 
I love you.
(End)